Thinking back

So many regrets I have about my past, as specially when I ask myself if the cheating was all worth it. But of course, it really wasn't. It was an excuse of an escape route of some sort I guess, I don't know.

Well, theres no use feeling sorry for myself forever, I had to take responsibility for my actions and face the music at some point or the other.

I'm really glad I have found myself though. I'm glad I managed to get out of the frame of mind I was in, as quickly as I got into it.

I laugh to myself when I look at guys out there who walk around feeling proud to be "players". What is even funnier though is the awkward silence I get when I then ask them "so what if some other boy out there had the exact same mentality as you, but was dating your younger sister?". Hahaha, the silence is priceless.
Im going to finally let go this picture, I think its long overdue, plus my girl probably wouldn't want to see it.

What about YOU? Have you ever cheated and had trouble taking responsibility for your actions? Lets talk about it, I would seriously love to know! :-)

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From player to prayer

Today I talk a little bit about how I overcame something which I think many men go through.

The story behind cheating

Although the topic of why men cheat is for another post, I think we should should shed some light there first.

Studies have shown that men are more likely to cheat on their partners, and that there are quite distinct differences between why a man would cheat and why a woman would cheat. And with evolutionary psychologists telling us(men) that we are wired to lay our seeds in as many women as possible to ensure our genetic survival, adultery is slowly becoming a defensible misdeed

I have also suffered from this very "cheating syndrome" at one point in my life, and hopefully never again. I find it mind blowing how it happens so simply and soon spirals out of control!

There is always a reason for cheating, and most of the time it is the fact that there is a problem that one is trying to avoid. Cheating starts off as a quick-fix for the couple's integrity, when leaving the relationship seems too hurtful or simple "too much".

With that said, my little thrill-seeking-adventure did not take too long before I wanted out, and that came about by me having to mend a heart which I cut deeply by my cheating ways. The good thing about me, which I am proud of, is that I realised how wrong I was quickly and tried my best to deal with it immediately.

As mentioned in the post more about me, I starting praying to God asking for forgiveness and to make me a better person, and I honestly think that helped. Anyway!

 How to avoid cheating

Here are a few guidelines which should help you not to cheat:

1. Talk to your partner. Having a strong, open partnership in which you can talk freely is important to keeping that bond strong. The basis of a good long-term relationship is more than sexual, it has to be a friendship.
2. Avoid potential cheating traps. Most men are smart enough to know the potential traps that lead them down the road to becoming unfaithful men. So if you truly want to avoid that scenario, simply steer clear of these situations. E.g. Avoid meeting alone with anyone that you feel attracted to sexually or romantically and do not confide personal details to anyone that you may feel attracted to.
3. Stay intimate. Physical contact in a strong relationship should involve more than just actual sex. Intimate touch, from stroking hair to massaging to simply holding each other, is key to keeping those bonds strong.

The ball is ultimately in your court. As with anything in life, you have a choice of whether to cheat or not. Make the right choice.

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Dealing with cheating

This post goes out to all those who have been cheated on by their partners...yes, girls do cheat as well if you didn't know.

Cheating hey, the first that that comes to my mind is why, why cheat. If you are not happy you should simply excuse yourself from a relationship, but that is a topic for another day.

So, u have come to realise that your significant other has cheated on you, what do you do, how do you move forward with life?
1st and foremost, stay calm! Take a breather and get all your facts together. There is nothing worse than accusing someone of cheating whereby they weren't cheating.
Be objective and open minded with the information you are getting, YOU need to analyse firstly if you are getting info from a reliable source, and lastly ASK (not accuse/tell) your partner if they cheated on you.

Now lets assume that you did get cheated on. The ball is really in your court.
I do not condone cheating in anyway, but there is a difference between for e.g "you had a fight with your partner, he/she got drunk and ended up kissing that guy/girl who always flirted with him/her" and "your bf/gf has been sleeping around behind your back". This is why you need to analyse everything objectively, this may be difficult for some people.

The intensity of your relationship also counts here, I.e how long you have been together. If you feel that it really was a mistake and your partner is really sorrowful for what they did, by all means I recommend that you forgive them and continue being with them. I must warn you though that it is not going to be easy, and your relationship will change, but will heal with time.

I speak from both sides of the coin, as a person who has cheated and a person who has been cheated on and chose to forgive.

Choosing to stay with a person who has cheated on you is not easy, it hurts, even after years, and the cheater has to make it up to you. So it creates a certain upper hand to the one who got cheated on, and its then easy to take advantage. So as well, be careful not to take advantage, as this will lead to PLENTY of fights.

I wish you all the best

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