Why most relationships fail

I am quite sure that everyone reading this post has been in a relationship that failed; I have not come across or heard of a person who has only dated and married ONE person in their life. I back up this statement by looking at some divorce rates. A survey conducted in 2002 shows the following percentages of new marriages that ended in divorce:

·   Sweden - 54.9%

·   Russia - 43.3%

·   USA - 45.8%

These stats are shocking and alarming!

BUT WHY DO RELATIONSHIPS FAIL??

Like any other important thing in life, relationships require some work (well, allot of work actually).
I like to compare relationships to running your own business. They require planning, your time, dedication, faith and passion. It is not as easy as it looks to maintain a good healthy relationship.
Here are a few things that could lead to break-ups, not in order of importance though.

Compatibility - This can also be put as "Lack of planning". Do opposites REALLY attract? Sure it's great to have some "spice" in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met to some point. Constant "clashes" with your partner will definitely lead to lead to unhappiness.

Dating a person for the wrong reasons also won’t get you very far, be it for money or for status. Bottom line is; if you are going to be with this person, you will not only have the pleasure of enjoying all the things you love about them, you will also have to deal with all the things you DON'T like so much about them. Therefore there obviously has to be more things you like than don't like.

Burnout - Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon phase does have to end at some point, in reality. Every relationship has its ups and downs. During the "down", if one partner seems trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, and does not seek to solve this problem with the other party, things can only go downhill from there. And those who can keep the "love" fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of a happier relationship than those who suffer burnout and don't know where to turn or how to solve their problems.

Pressure - When one partner puts pressure on the other partner for whatever reason, this partner could possibly end up feel like they are not good enough no matter how much they try, and ultimately not want to be in a relationship. Nobody wants to feel like a failure, small or unappreciated. This applies to both the man and woman.

Forgiveness - No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive can pretty much count on having more unhappy relationships over time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like a ticking-time-bomb.

Just the fact that you are willing to work out things is enough to heal a broken heart and can bring healing back to your relationship quickly. Good luck

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My best friend's new girl

Today I had the pleasure of meeting my best friend's new girlfriend, I think they have been dating for about a month now. I basically got tired of hearing about this amazing, beautiful girl and decided to go meet her. I like her so far, she seems cool and interesting.

It's always amazing for me to see two happy young people in the early stages of a relationship, where life is full of joy and excitement. I feed off that sort of energy and it inspires me to some degree. I can honestly say that I enjoy (for a lack of better words) seeing such happen!

The reason why I feel this way is because I am kind of dissapointed with how the majority of us young men view relationships and commitment. Too many guys date for the sake of dating, and not for the purpose of finding a lifetime spouse. Is it because women are said to mature faster than men?

I wish this new couple all the best in their relationship, that they create many wondeful memories, and a solid foundation to fall back on in future.

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Woman

Woman was made from the rib of man.

She was not created from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be stepped upon.

She was made from his side to be equal to him,

beneath his arm to be protected by him,

near his heart to be loved by him.

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In love

I honestly fail to understand why most guys my age prefer not to be in love. What is it about being in love that they despise so much that they rather label themselves as players or bad boys and so forth. I can honestly count with my one hand how many guy friends I have who are openly, happily in love. It's amazing.
Being in love and loved is possibly one of the best feelings in the world.

I decided in my last year of highschool already that when I get to university, I am not going to look for a girl friend but a prospective wife. Yes, things did not go according to plan for a year and I half but I quickly managed to remember this goal that I had set for myself and I did just that.
The only hardest part about this goal of mine was to find someone who felt the same way and had a similar goal in mind.

Just like anything in life, being in love and having a serious relationship does have its challenges and risks.
For example, starting a business is risky but the rewards make it worthwhile! Therefore the risks and challenges should not be enough reason for one not to be in love.

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Can you imagine life without your partner?

Have you ever considered what life would be like without your man or woman? How it would impact your life, and what things in your life would change as a result thereof etc

Chances are, when things are going well in the relationship, such questions are the very last thing on your mind. This can be both good and bad, but more to the good side.

It is good that you dont ask yourself these questions because it implies that everything is really going well, and you have absolutely no reason to doubt the future of your relationship. In the same breathe of air, it can be bad if you constantly ask yourself these same questions. It implies that for some reason you keep on re-evaluating the relationship. There is nothing wrong with re-evaluating your relationship, but too much of it means there is something that's bothering you which is not being attended to or solved, and that is not good.

As I always say, your happiness is something very important and within YOUR control, and the best advice I can give you if you more than often find yourself re-evaluting things is you need to sit down with your partner, stop beating around and work together and solve any issue you or he/she has, no matter how big or small it is. Reach some kind of conclusion.

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Your girlfriend and your girl friend

I bet some of you are confused by the above title of this post and think I made a typo? Nope!
The issue here is your relationship with your girlfriend (your partner), somewhat clashing with your friendship with your female friends or friends of the opposite sex.

The term JELOUSY is obviously the very first thing that pops up when I think about this scenario.
It is very easy for your friends to say that since being with your girlfriend you guys dont hang out and do the things you used to, it is even easier for your girlfriend to perhaps become jelous of the relationship you have with these female friends. Its just complicated!

The way I deal with this myself, is to make sure that my partner meets and is comfortable with my close female friends, that should somehow put her at ease and we can even all hang out together. But ofcourse this is only possible when both of you are mature about things and you genuinly do not hav any other dodgey motives for having these friends besides pure friendship.

What u dont want happening is making for girlfriend feel like you care more about your friends than her, we all know women LOVE feeling special and all. At the same time you do not want to end up losing your friends because of a jelous girlfriend, as specialy if you dont give her any reason to be jelous. Thats the balance that one needs to maintain to minimise problems, in my opinion anyway.

What about you??

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Thinking back

So many regrets I have about my past, as specially when I ask myself if the cheating was all worth it. But of course, it really wasn't. It was an excuse of an escape route of some sort I guess, I don't know.

Well, theres no use feeling sorry for myself forever, I had to take responsibility for my actions and face the music at some point or the other.

I'm really glad I have found myself though. I'm glad I managed to get out of the frame of mind I was in, as quickly as I got into it.

I laugh to myself when I look at guys out there who walk around feeling proud to be "players". What is even funnier though is the awkward silence I get when I then ask them "so what if some other boy out there had the exact same mentality as you, but was dating your younger sister?". Hahaha, the silence is priceless.
Im going to finally let go this picture, I think its long overdue, plus my girl probably wouldn't want to see it.

What about YOU? Have you ever cheated and had trouble taking responsibility for your actions? Lets talk about it, I would seriously love to know! :-)

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Staying in an unhappy relationship

Why is it that some people decide to stay in unhappy relationships? This is rather puzzling isn't it. I'm sure you know of atleast one person in your life who has been in such a situation?

Although there are literally thousands of reasons why, I'm going to mention a few.

1) Fear of the unknown - Being in a serious relationship suggests that you invested your time and effort into the relationship. Furthermore, it means that you have developed a certain lifestyle and habits which directly results from you being in a relationship. Now letting go and having to change your habits and lifestyle may seem like too much for some people.

2) Shame or Failure - It's just not easy for you to get to a point where you can admit that the relationship has run its course and should now end. As specially having to explain to other people that you and so and so are not together anymore because of this and that. It's even worse when there are children involved.

3) Things will change - This should have probably been number one on the list! Obviously every relationship has its ups and downs you know, but there is a very fine line between normal "disagreement" type of arguments and unacceptable abusive arguments. The trick here is to critically analyse your own situation once every while. I.e do you argue about the same things over and over again?

4) Security - This can be associated with number 1 and 3. Some people are with their partners because they NEED something from them. Be it money, fame, a roof over their head, etc, and the fear of loosing all of that is not worth it.

(My suggestion - your happiness is something you should never ever under any circumstance give away. Therefore, be objective and really ask yourself if you are doing what makes you happy)

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Dont lose out!

Hi all!

As you can see, this blog is still in its early stages, and there is plenty where the previous blogs came from.

Therefore I urge you to bookmark or subscribe to this blog so that you dont miss a single post.

Thanks!

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From player to prayer

Today I talk a little bit about how I overcame something which I think many men go through.

The story behind cheating

Although the topic of why men cheat is for another post, I think we should should shed some light there first.

Studies have shown that men are more likely to cheat on their partners, and that there are quite distinct differences between why a man would cheat and why a woman would cheat. And with evolutionary psychologists telling us(men) that we are wired to lay our seeds in as many women as possible to ensure our genetic survival, adultery is slowly becoming a defensible misdeed

I have also suffered from this very "cheating syndrome" at one point in my life, and hopefully never again. I find it mind blowing how it happens so simply and soon spirals out of control!

There is always a reason for cheating, and most of the time it is the fact that there is a problem that one is trying to avoid. Cheating starts off as a quick-fix for the couple's integrity, when leaving the relationship seems too hurtful or simple "too much".

With that said, my little thrill-seeking-adventure did not take too long before I wanted out, and that came about by me having to mend a heart which I cut deeply by my cheating ways. The good thing about me, which I am proud of, is that I realised how wrong I was quickly and tried my best to deal with it immediately.

As mentioned in the post more about me, I starting praying to God asking for forgiveness and to make me a better person, and I honestly think that helped. Anyway!

 How to avoid cheating

Here are a few guidelines which should help you not to cheat:

1. Talk to your partner. Having a strong, open partnership in which you can talk freely is important to keeping that bond strong. The basis of a good long-term relationship is more than sexual, it has to be a friendship.
2. Avoid potential cheating traps. Most men are smart enough to know the potential traps that lead them down the road to becoming unfaithful men. So if you truly want to avoid that scenario, simply steer clear of these situations. E.g. Avoid meeting alone with anyone that you feel attracted to sexually or romantically and do not confide personal details to anyone that you may feel attracted to.
3. Stay intimate. Physical contact in a strong relationship should involve more than just actual sex. Intimate touch, from stroking hair to massaging to simply holding each other, is key to keeping those bonds strong.

The ball is ultimately in your court. As with anything in life, you have a choice of whether to cheat or not. Make the right choice.

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