Inspiration

ARE YOU HAPPY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples... and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, value, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.

Neither one of you is perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring your past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain.

You can't take someone to the alter to alter them. Do not judge this person by the mistakes of all you ex-lovers, ex-wife, ex-husband, ex-whatever.

Do not live in the past you might miss the present and throw a good love away because of your own insecurities brought upon you by yourself. Do not play private investigator and prosecutor, always digging for dirt when a person has not given you any reason to doubt their commitment to you. Stop being a prosecutor, always confronting your mate with stories you have heard from nameless individuals who may be jealous of your affair.

Nobody appreciates being told directly or indirectly by your questioning that they are not trusted. Trust this person until he/she gives a strong reason not to trust him/her. Respect his/her privacy. If you do not trust a person for whatever reason...you better just end it because without trust there is no hope in any relationship.

You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and life," you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Wrong reasons for being in a relationship.

* Seeking status, sex, wealth and security.

* Not getting out of the relationship because you pity the otherperson.

* For the sake of the kids and yet you are absolutely unhappy.Thiscould be even more psychologically destructive for the kids than youthink.

* Staying in it because you feel (psychologically) obligated toe.g.. what will her/his folks and friends say if I leave him/her

* He/she might commit suicide - emotional blackmail.

* Threat and/or fear of physical violence from the person orsanctioned by the person.

* "I am so used to him/her, how can I leave him/her after somuchwe have been through together" and yet you are so miserable and unhappy andemotionally abused and sexually starved. You keep on having littleaffairs and sexual relationships with other people...this is asign that you do not really love the person you are with. Get out ofit. Life is too short.

 

What keeps a relationship strong?

* LOVE, Communication, Intimacy, Trust, A sense of humour,Healthy sexual appetite, open mindedness, companionship,Friendship. Sharing household tasks.

* Avoiding secrets as much as possible

* Know each other's whereabouts to build trust andaccountability.

* Some getaway time without business and children.

* Daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, atouch, a note, sit together on the sofa watching TV, touch eachother like you used to while dating and first met...rememberthat naughty touch there).

* Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email.Sharing common goals and interests. Support each others business/ work

* Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other,giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure.

* Don't try to control or change one another

* Learn each other's family situation.

* Respect his or her parents regardless.

* Don't compare your relationship with so and so's relationship.You are a unique couple in own right.

* Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember,for Richer or for Poorer.

* Do not pretend but be considerate, diplomatic and cautiouswhen you criticize or don't like something, your mate has feelings too.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the passion that started it in the first place.

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."

GOOD LUCK IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!!

(please note that this post was not written by me in any form, and was received via e-mail )

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